The One

Let's face it, you're never going to find the guts, the balls, the gusto, the nerve, the ... oomph. Never. You can tell yourself

"next time, next time I swear I will",
"tomorrow, tomorrow", or
"just one more day"

and just as always, the next time will come, then go. If you happen to defy the neverness factor of it all, it's usually because you've waited so long that it's a do-or-seriously-never situation' the proverbial gun has been held to your head, and you've got two choices: dodge the bullet or suffer the impact. And more than likely, your worst fears will e met, you'll be told

"I'm sorry, it's too late" or
"I just don't know anymore."

You wait so long, just to prove yourself right in the worst way possible...that you would be let down, you would be hurt, they would hurt you, again

...except this time, it's your fault...

you set yourself up. You dealt the cards that would get you exactly what you didn't want...you have no one to blame but yourself. But you'll go on for the longest time, mourning yourself-induced loss, and wish for the what-ifs and the what-weres. You hit the point where you now have the chance to lose everything, (because you'll choose to shut down), whereas had you pushed your way through the nauseating, painful process of early possible rejection, you would have had nothing to lose, but everything to gain. Instead, it's a lose-lose...you come out feeling half the person you were when you started, you've suffered an impact from more than just one gun.